Initiation, 20th Century

Hello to anyone who has missed me. I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much--my energy has been drawn toward poetry and to organizing an initiation workshop out here on BI this weekend, hosted by my spiritual teacher Maria DeMarco. Initiation, according to Maria, is an essential part of the soul's growth. The soul craves repetition--if it does not get it, addictions manifest. Many of the traumas we who came of age in the 20th century in the U.S. have experienced were the result of botched attempt at self-initiation, not that we (or at least me) are aware of it. This is why we need "healing," a term which I am going to do my best not to use any more, since it implies there is something wrong with us in the first place. When we realize that everything that we experience is what our soul needs to grow, we realize that we are all right. We don't need to heal from anything. Perhaps readjust is a better term to use.

In any case, I just read a great book, Women Who Run With The Wolves, by the Jungian analyst Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Estes uses fairy tales to trace the stages of a woman's initiation. Unfortunately for me and many I know, we grew up in a culture that had forgotten these ways. This is nobodies fault. It is just part of our self-realization. What we are given to work with in these times. What the collective good ultimately needs as part of its cycle of growth. Using the stages outlined by Estes, I wrote a poem about the botched initiation many of us experienced coming of age in the 20th century. Each stanza is supposed to take seven years, thus each is seven lines long. See how many of the stages you can identify.....and know that it is never too late to go through any of them. They are not chronological.


Initiation, 21st Century

No.
Because I said so.
Stop that!
You should be ashamed of yourself.
You show me yours, I’ll show you mine.
Don’t tell anybody.
Don’t be scared. It’s just a dream.

Get back here!
Hold still, for God’s sake!
Santa Claus isn’t real.
Neither is the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.
That only happens in fairy tales.
This is real life, you know.
You’ll get over it.

Training bra
Deodorant tampons
Don’t tell Dad, please.
Blood-stained pants
Spin the bottle
Truth or Dare
You only live once.
Nobodies a virgin anymore.

Stealing from your parents’ liquor cabinet.
Getting stoned
Frat parties
One-night stands
Tripping at a Dead Show
Shooting up in a room with no windows
Overdose

Getting knocked up
Getting rid of it
It was no big deal
Fuck off, I don’t need your help
Going it alone
Is there anyway else?
Drinks are on me until last call.

God is dead.
There’s nobody out there listening.
It’s all in your head.
Get a job.
What’s wrong with you?
Did you think your life would be any different?
This is all there is. Work, Eat, Sleep. Repeat.

She used to be hot. Now look at her.
Stretch marks
Saggy tits
Gray hair
Wrinkles
Past her prime.
She's going home alone tonight.

What do you have to be depressed about?
You’ve got it all--a big house, a new car...
Lots of women would envy you.
Take this: Prozac, Zoloft, Xanax, Valium.
You used to have so much energy.
You’ve put on a few pounds, eh?
I want a divorce. You’re not the same woman I married.

You’re too old to go back to college.
No, we’re not selling the house and moving to Costa Rica.
If you don’t like it, then leave.
Why can’t you be content? I’m retired now.
I just don’t see a place for you in today’s competitive job market.
It’s already been done before.
Too late.

Get out of the way, lady
We’ve got work to do.
We don't have time for this.
I don’t know, your eyes aren’t so good these days.
Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard that story before.
Nobody cares about what your grandmother said a million years ago.
Aren’t you over that by now?

Look at her, trying to dress like a teenager.
Somebody should stop her from making a fool out of herself.
Did you see how she flirted with that waiter?
Pathetic.
If only she could see herself.
It must suck to get old.
Better off dead, I say.

Everything’s so confusing.
I don’t recognize my town anymore.
There’s no place for me.
No one can see me.
It’s always foggy now.
I’m a burden.
Why was I ever born?

My life has been a waste.
What’s the point of it all?
I keep forgetting everything.
Senile.
How did I end up in this place?
Nothing makes sense anymore.
When do we go play bingo?

Poor grandma, she can’t speak since her stroke.
She didn’t have a whole lot to say anyway.
I’d hate to be stuck in that room with the TV always on.
She probably doesn’t even notice.
Yeah, she’s totally out of it.
Shoot me if I ever end up like that, OK?
A waste of space.

Open wide, they keep telling me.
Breathe in, breathe out. The stethoscope is always cold.
She’s seizing!
Tubes down my throat.
Serves her right, she should have quit smoking .
In out, in out, in out. I wish they’d just go.
Hell is other people. I should have changed my will.

Do you think she can hear us?
Nah, she’s a vegetable.
Should we pull the plug?
We can’t. She asked us not to.
She would if she could see herself now.
When will she die?
When the power goes out.