I have been pretty overwhelmed lately. Definitely not together enough to tie anything I'm doing or feeling into permaculture, thus the long silence. I went through the supposed last stage of my initiation this past weekend. Initiation into what, I kept thinking? This question is what kept me from feeling inititiated I think. In the past, we had actual tribes to be initiated into. Now we have the feeling of the tribe,which is much harder to understand. I'll admit, I couldn't feel it in myself. What I was supposed to be feeling, according to my teacher, was a feeling of unity. A realization that everythign I have experienced so far, and that everything we have created no earth has been an illusion--what she called "playing in the backyard." The end of the initiation process was supposed to bring me "home," where all the concerns and games we play in the material world drop away. I couldn't get over my anger at the material world. I couldn't let go of my personal frustration at being a poet in a culture that doesn't care about or value poetry. I couldn't let go of my anger at the rape of the earth. What I have realized, is that I need to feel these emotions first, or again rather, I have felt them before, but somewhere along the way they became intellectual concepts before I had released them fully. So now I've been crying a lot and trying not to gorge myself on nachos when I'm depressed. I found out an interesting thing this weekend. My teacher was talking about why we crave sweet foods, saying it is because we feel a need to be nurtured. I asked her why one would crave salty food, since this is what I crave. She said that eating a lot of salt is a way to avoid feeling emotions--think of the way salt dries up water, what a cracked piece of land looks like after days of drought. So I am accepting that I need to feel some ugly things before I can feel at "home." And I encourage you to do the same, and to realize that something we see as ugly is also beautiful if it enables us to become fully present and whole.

Initiation, 20th Century

Hello to anyone who has missed me. I'm sorry I haven't been posting as much--my energy has been drawn toward poetry and to organizing an initiation workshop out here on BI this weekend, hosted by my spiritual teacher Maria DeMarco. Initiation, according to Maria, is an essential part of the soul's growth. The soul craves repetition--if it does not get it, addictions manifest. Many of the traumas we who came of age in the 20th century in the U.S. have experienced were the result of botched attempt at self-initiation, not that we (or at least me) are aware of it. This is why we need "healing," a term which I am going to do my best not to use any more, since it implies there is something wrong with us in the first place. When we realize that everything that we experience is what our soul needs to grow, we realize that we are all right. We don't need to heal from anything. Perhaps readjust is a better term to use.

In any case, I just read a great book, Women Who Run With The Wolves, by the Jungian analyst Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Estes uses fairy tales to trace the stages of a woman's initiation. Unfortunately for me and many I know, we grew up in a culture that had forgotten these ways. This is nobodies fault. It is just part of our self-realization. What we are given to work with in these times. What the collective good ultimately needs as part of its cycle of growth. Using the stages outlined by Estes, I wrote a poem about the botched initiation many of us experienced coming of age in the 20th century. Each stanza is supposed to take seven years, thus each is seven lines long. See how many of the stages you can identify.....and know that it is never too late to go through any of them. They are not chronological.


Initiation, 21st Century

No.
Because I said so.
Stop that!
You should be ashamed of yourself.
You show me yours, I’ll show you mine.
Don’t tell anybody.
Don’t be scared. It’s just a dream.

Get back here!
Hold still, for God’s sake!
Santa Claus isn’t real.
Neither is the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy.
That only happens in fairy tales.
This is real life, you know.
You’ll get over it.

Training bra
Deodorant tampons
Don’t tell Dad, please.
Blood-stained pants
Spin the bottle
Truth or Dare
You only live once.
Nobodies a virgin anymore.

Stealing from your parents’ liquor cabinet.
Getting stoned
Frat parties
One-night stands
Tripping at a Dead Show
Shooting up in a room with no windows
Overdose

Getting knocked up
Getting rid of it
It was no big deal
Fuck off, I don’t need your help
Going it alone
Is there anyway else?
Drinks are on me until last call.

God is dead.
There’s nobody out there listening.
It’s all in your head.
Get a job.
What’s wrong with you?
Did you think your life would be any different?
This is all there is. Work, Eat, Sleep. Repeat.

She used to be hot. Now look at her.
Stretch marks
Saggy tits
Gray hair
Wrinkles
Past her prime.
She's going home alone tonight.

What do you have to be depressed about?
You’ve got it all--a big house, a new car...
Lots of women would envy you.
Take this: Prozac, Zoloft, Xanax, Valium.
You used to have so much energy.
You’ve put on a few pounds, eh?
I want a divorce. You’re not the same woman I married.

You’re too old to go back to college.
No, we’re not selling the house and moving to Costa Rica.
If you don’t like it, then leave.
Why can’t you be content? I’m retired now.
I just don’t see a place for you in today’s competitive job market.
It’s already been done before.
Too late.

Get out of the way, lady
We’ve got work to do.
We don't have time for this.
I don’t know, your eyes aren’t so good these days.
Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard that story before.
Nobody cares about what your grandmother said a million years ago.
Aren’t you over that by now?

Look at her, trying to dress like a teenager.
Somebody should stop her from making a fool out of herself.
Did you see how she flirted with that waiter?
Pathetic.
If only she could see herself.
It must suck to get old.
Better off dead, I say.

Everything’s so confusing.
I don’t recognize my town anymore.
There’s no place for me.
No one can see me.
It’s always foggy now.
I’m a burden.
Why was I ever born?

My life has been a waste.
What’s the point of it all?
I keep forgetting everything.
Senile.
How did I end up in this place?
Nothing makes sense anymore.
When do we go play bingo?

Poor grandma, she can’t speak since her stroke.
She didn’t have a whole lot to say anyway.
I’d hate to be stuck in that room with the TV always on.
She probably doesn’t even notice.
Yeah, she’s totally out of it.
Shoot me if I ever end up like that, OK?
A waste of space.

Open wide, they keep telling me.
Breathe in, breathe out. The stethoscope is always cold.
She’s seizing!
Tubes down my throat.
Serves her right, she should have quit smoking .
In out, in out, in out. I wish they’d just go.
Hell is other people. I should have changed my will.

Do you think she can hear us?
Nah, she’s a vegetable.
Should we pull the plug?
We can’t. She asked us not to.
She would if she could see herself now.
When will she die?
When the power goes out.

A Poem For "Criminals

The End Days

Hello.
Nice to meet you.
You look kind of familiar,
like someone I knew when I lived
above that dry cleaners in Cincinnati.
Yeah, I know the toxic fumes will probably
give me cancer some day.
Yeah, I know people are always telling me
I look just like someone they know, too.
Maybe I remind you of your sister’s best friend?
No? Maybe it’s that guy your rode the ferry with
last summer when you went on vacation
to that island everyone was always saying was the
best place to get drunk in the northeast.
Yeah, those days are over for me, too.
The only good thing I can say about the blackouts
is thank God the memories are blurry.
Maybe I’m that person who freaked you out so bad
when you looked in the mirror on LSD.
I bet you’ve wondered if you’re possessed ever since, right?
Maybe I remind you of the priest your mother called
to exorcise your demons.
The one who took you behind the altar--
don’t worry you don’t have to confess anything to me.
We both know there’s an infinite supply of demons
making the rounds, we may as well make friends with the bastards
because they’re not going away.
Yes, I’m the bastard child of a pirate and a barmaid.
He bent her over the bar one night and I popped out
nine months later.
My mom tells me there’s no shame in being a bastard,
not in this day and age.
In this day and age I’m a pregnant fourteen year old
from the Dominican Republic who lives in South Providence.
South is the direction of the innocent child on the Medicine Wheel.
Providence is the power conceived by God to guide human destiny.
That’s right, destiny is coming our way.
Don’t listen to the President of the United States or the priests.
Hell is a sound bite.
The day the Twin Towers fell waves which had been galloping
toward our island for centuries struck the southwest point.
What a relief.
I know I sound callous and cold-blooded.
Believe me, I weep.
I am another yourself, says the Mayan code of honor.
In a way, the terrorists are right,
we do have one face,
except they don’t have another.
They look just like you and me.
Looks are always being accused of deceiving.
I’m here to say you’re not fooling anybody.
That was me you saw chopping down that mighty
redwood tree.
Everything is hard to believe.
Nobody loved that tree more than me.
You probably despise me.
Some redneck who doesn’t know the world needs to be saved.
Let me tell you, it ain’t easy feeding a family these days.
So whatta you want to do about it?
Throw stones?
Or plant seeds?

Process Over Product

My grandmother just sent me a heartening article from the Orlando Sentinel that demonstrates that process is becoming as important in U. S. culture as product, perhaps at a mainstream level. The article was about recent college graduates who are deciding to have adventures before entering "the real world." She sent it to me because this is what I have been doing for so long that this is real life to me--I don't have to put it in quotes! The article did operate under the assumption that these young adults would go into the mainstream job market one day, but I suspect that many of them won't. I know from personal experience, that once they get a taste of freedom, it will be difficult to put themselves back in the cage. Not to make anyone who participates in what is called the real world by cultural consensus here in the U.S., meaning the 9 to 5, forty hours a work week, feel bad about what they are doing. I know many people are happy doing this and find fulfillment in their jobs, while also being of use to society. But not everyone is the same, and when your culture tells you you have to be a certain way in order to view yourself as successful, it can be very difficult to follow a different path. Human beings are as diverse as Kinsey's gall wasps--none of us are the same--"the real world" as we know it just doesn't have a place for all our diversity. I find it encouraging that a mainstream newspaper is acknowledging this "taking a year off" as a trend, because this means more and more people are following their dreams, that wild and woolly realm where anything can happen, and always does. The more we experience, the more we grow.

The valueing of process over product is something I learned from working in groups at Earth Activist Training. We were given projects in which we were to re-design sites at the Black Mountain preserve according to permaculture principles. When my group first walked around our site we were pretty overwhelmed. We had only a few days to come up with a design that would be publically presented to the other groups, our esteemed teachers, and the Black Mountain staff. The pressure was on, and over the few days that we worked on these projects, much moaning and bewailing was heard from the groups, much of it from having to work in consensus. In consensus, each member has a voice in the decision of the group as a whole. It is not that the group has to agree with everything, which I thought consensus meant before EAT. A person can block a decision only if she or he has a strong ethical reason for doing so, and should voice her or his concerns early on in the process, instead of waiting until the end, so that the group has the opportunity to come up with alternatives ways to solve that person's issue. If it sounds easy, it is not. There is actually a well-developed protocol to follow when working in consensus that can definitely smooth out the kinks in the process if the facilitator can get everyone to follow it. The facilitator is the person who runs the meeting. It is her or his role to make sure that everyone who wants to be heard gets a chance, in due process, and to bring out the voices who may perhaps be more quiet in the group, also to help figure out how to use the talents of a person who is throwing wrenches in the process, to the best advantage of the group. Here's a list I wrote down at EAT of things a good facilitator should do:
1. show respect for each person in the group
2. experience-reflection-insight (it is the facilitators role to move the group through this process)
3. creating dialogue (facilitator stays neutral)
4. Engage the whole person
5. Recognize injustice and deal with it
6. Bring out the creativity and joy of the group.

Why do we want consensus decision making to be part of the world we want to live in? Hierarchical decision making is much more effective. The problem with hierarchical decision making for me, is that it doesn't allow for the growth of the soul. It is great for getting things done, but I don't think the soul starts to grow until we engage in all the emotions that come up as we work with people to get something done. Some people may not care about the soul's growth. They just want to get that garden design done and move on to the next project. Working in consensus will make you angry. It will make you happy. It might make you cry, but I guarantee you will be more fulfilled by it than if you just did the job and walked on to the next one. That's what happened to me at Earth Activist Training. Sure, I thought my group came up with a great design that I was proud to present to the community, but I was more proud of the things I realized about myself by listening and observing others in the group, even when the things I learned were faults. For the first time ever in a work situation, I was able to let go of worrying about what we were creating, and just enjoy the process. That's called living life to the fullest.

Finally, I just want to comment on something that has been on my mind this week. I saw Michael Jackson, who as most know is being tried for child abuse right now, on TV tonight. He looked like he was being consumed from the inside out. I felt sorry for him, although I imagine many Americans think he is sick and should be punished, even though he has not been declared guilty yet in a court of law. Michael is a sensitive, beautiful person who is absorbing all our shadow energy. This realization was made in conjunction with a conversation I head earlier in the week with a friend about our local "bogey man" here on Block Island. The Times had just run an article annoucing that he had been let out of jail, and that part of his parole was that he could no longer come to Block Island. I'll admit, this man scares me, but I think the level of invective directed at him doesn't take into the consideration that he is a scapegoat for aspects of our society that we don't want to deal with. I am taking a Jungian perspective here--viewing individual traits in people as part of our collective soul. If we revile those who act out these shadow traits, we only feed the shadow, giving it more strength to consume us. Criminals are scapegoats. People who are taking in that shadow energy and bringing it out into the light of day. I am asking you to reach through your fear and have compassion for them. By doing so, you show compassion for yourself. I'm not saying that people who violate the law shouldnt' be brought to justice. I am saying that we should reconsider our motives in agreeing to the laws themselves. This is not something that I see changing quickly, although it could if we let go of the illusion of separateness and perceived ourselves as whole, first on an individual level, then on a societal, spiralling outward to the planetary level, then the galactic, and who knows beyond that. To be honest, I think this is going to happen on a mass level very soon. If you open your hearts through compassion now then you will be ready to make this transition into whatever dimension this experience of unity brings us.

On-Site Resources

Something amazing is happening.

Permaculturists believe in using as many on-site resources as one can, instead of going out and buying new things. For example, scrap metal dumped in an abandoned lot could be used as fence posts or for a sculpture instead of dumping them into a landfill. Once again, it involves thinking like a creature of the forest. A squirrel doesn't go to the supermarket to get her dinner, she turns to the trees around her for food, and for storage too, stowing away acorns to get her and her brood through the winter.

People are also on-site resources. At EAT we were advised to look around our communities and see who our allies were. I had actually been planning to make a list of people I thought would be "on my side," meaning people I could recruit in the future to work with me on whatever projects I come up with to further my goal of creating a sustainable world.

The amazing thing is that I haven't had to make a list. My on-site resources are making themselves known to me without my speaking. Every day I make a new connection with someone who gives me that piece of information I've been needing, or who surprises me by making a comment that makes me realize we are less different than I thought. My aunt and uncle and I have been connecting much more than usual lately. Yesterday I was at their house helping them install a new printer for their computer and my uncle said it bothered him that we live in a culture where we just throw perfectly good stuff away. My aunt said she was goign to look for someone who could use her old printer cartridges that didn' t fit her new printer, and that she recycled her used cartridges. These comments showed me that they are not the people I thought they were, which helps me get out of my own sphere by realizing that I am not the only one who is changing, and that as I change, as I expand my energy, I create opportunities for people to reveal unknown aspects of themselves to me. This helps us create common ground, and gives me hope that if we can reclaim this common ground within our hearts than we will be able to reclaim the earth in common.

These are little things, but to me they show a big shift in our society. They have the feel of revelation. I am seeing more and more every day, my inner vision expanding, my senses enhanced, and I am now overjoyed to say that my on-site resources now include angels! I have connected directly with angelic energy. It is there for all of us all the time, but can't perceived clearly unless our filters--our bodies and the energy around them--is clean enough to let them in. I have reached this point by freeing myself from physical addictions, from doing energy work with a shamanic healer, and by intensely examining my thoughts and reforming them to support the world that I wanted to live in, not the one I thought was "real."

Stacking Functions

Before I went to EAT I had an abstract idea of what permaculture was, but if someone had asked me to define it verbally I wouldn't have been able to (at least very clearly.) This indeed happened a couple of days before I left. One of my customers at work asked me what permaculture was. I started fumbling for words and decided to defer to my friend who was also sitting at the counter. Since she is an organic gardener, I thought she would be able to do it better than me. "Isn't it just common sense?" she said. "Planting and organizing things so they work together." Yes, in a nutshell, but as I discovered at EAT, permaculture is far more than a system of gardening, it is an entire system of thought, a way of thinking that is based on common sense. Unfortunately, many of us in our disposable culture have lost this common sense. Permaculture gives a chance to return to our instincts, to form our thoughts by connecting with the needs of the earth instead of the needs our disembodied minds create.

Stacking functions is common sense. I bet you probably do more of it than you already realize, even if it is just downcycling things. For instance, I use plastic shopping bags as bathroom trash bags. Obviously this doesn't take care of the problem of trash in the first place, but it is a beginning in changing the way we think. If we see everything as having more than one potential use, (the definition of stacking functions) we are creating a shift in our thinking which can lead to the sustainable world more and more of us want to see.

I used to argue with my friend who worked at the dump about recycling. He said it was just a band-aid. Something cooked up to make people feel good that they were doing something about "the environment." He was the first person who pointed out to me that we were in deep shit. Since he worked at the dump, he definitely had some earned authority. He was the first to tell me it was our current system that had to go. I was shocked at first. At the time I hadn't really perceived how deep our problems were. I was naive--meaning I didn't know the facts, and believed in the inherent goodness of my action. Now I am innocent, meaning I know the facts, but still believe in this goodness. So I recycle, knowing it is not going to make the difference I once thought it would, but that my action is a motion toward shifting the world toward sustainability, even if it is only in a symbolic way.

A lot of things we can do are like this. The Kyoto Accord, for example, which for those who don't know, is an international treaty to reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Even though the amount of reduction it calls for is so small it would be purely symbolic in light of what our atmosphere needs in order to be healthy, it is still important because it sends a message to the citizens of the world that the governments of our nations care about the air we breathe, no matter what country we live in. The U.S., the greatest producer of greenhouse gases on the planet, has refused to sign the accord, which went into effect in January.

Stacking functions is something I do in every blog. I disseminate information and I clarify my own thinking about the world and myself. Isn't this what an essay should do? The word essay comes from the French essayer, to try. Try and look for ways to stack functions. I bet your common sense will find lots of ways, and then eventually you'll start designing your life so that everything will have more than one function. That's my plan, at least.

Here's a way I stack functions on a daily basis. Every time I chop vegetables I throw the stalks or skins that I'm not going to eat in a bag I keep in the freezer. When I have enough I boil them down to make vegetable stock. I still don't have a wormbin or compost yet, but when I do I will toss them in, thus getting three uses out of them.

Just a note--there is another meaning for stacking functions that relates specifically to garden design. Otherwise known as vertical stocking, or multi-tiered garden design, e.g. creating a canopy of plants with trellising or espaliering trees. Espaliers are trees that are pruned to grow out instead of up, forming a hedge of fruit. The idea is to have your garden look like nature, which generally does not grow in horizontal rows like the gardens we are accustomed to planting.

Relinquishing Control

It came to me last night that another great thing for me about this blog is that it enables me to practice relinquishing control, an important permaculture principle. When a permie designs a garden the idea is to design a system that works so well that the gardener can step back and let it flourish on its own. Anyone who writes or paints or performs knows how difficult this can be. We want the audience to "get" what we're doing--we want their interpretation to match our own. Of course not every artist thinks this way, but it has definitely been part of my development as a writer. We even talked about this in college in literary theory classes. It was called reader/response criticism, which believed that every meaning came from the interaction of writer and reader. As a writer this was much more appealing than the death of the author posited by Roland Barthes, or deconstructionism, which says that ultimate meaning is not possible because language is an arbitrary system of sign and system. Alas, I was seduced by these French philosophes, mostly I think, out of intellectual pride. Their works were so obtuse, my brain swelled when I was actually able to decipher what they were saying. Reader/response seemed so simplistic and banal because it was so direct. This elevation of complication eventually led me into deep despair. I gave up my dreams of wanting to be a word artist for a few years, but like a meandering river, I found my way out of the silt clogged byways and made it back to the sea, where I have been floating and catching waves ever since.

When I am able to relinquish control of my writing, I am able to let go in a multitude of ways. First, I stop caring what people will think and write whatever comes out of me. Second, I get the fascinating opportunity to get to know other people by hearing how my work has affected them. One can learn much when one views opinion as a character study instead of taking offense or feeling wounded that one has been misunderstood. As a creative writer, I have not had too many opportunities to relinquish control of my writing. I have published a book of poems, had poems published in lots of journals, and had a couple of people read the manuscripts of my two novels. I have also been in writing workshops. However, this is just a tip of the iceberg considering how much I have written! I'll admit, I have a desire to be heard by a large audience. Part of this is ego, of course, but part of it is also because, for a long time, I have felt that I was receiving messages that people needed to hear. One of my totems is the hawk, considered a messenger between the spirit world and this one. The hawk is far-seeing, flying high above the earth. It can detect a tiny mouse from a vast height and plunge down to clutch it in its talons. The mouse is also one of my totems, scurrying around in the grass investigating everything. Mice see the details. This ability to see the details and to see the big picture is a potent combination. I see a lot and I have a lot to say. As a poet, I have emphasized artfulness over transparency,--poetry is indirect, the language of the soul, like dreams. To me, the best poems don't give up their meaning easily. They have to be earned, like a lover, they flood through the body like ecstasy. However, I try to make myself transparent in my poems, which I do by exposing my vulnerability. Poetry is a paradox. An art form of words in which the best poems can't be explained in words. Interpreting poetry often reduces it, or more likely, reduces the interpreter, instead of expanding their soul until it feels, as Hildegard of Bingen wrote, a feather on the breath of God. In our culture of instant gratification and insistence on the existence of objective truth, poetry has been pushed to the fringes. Many people don't have the time to read it, or if they do, can't relate to language in this way. Poetry is not empirical. To me, it reflects the structure of the universe itself, each word in a good poem tolls like a bell, is a vibration that can't be contained, has infinite meaning as it opens up doors in our body and mind, poetry is the chariot on which the soul rides.

I think people who write do so because they have a desire to communicate. Naturally a poet, I sought out audiences in other venues as a writer because I have a compulsion to express myself. For a time I wrote for The Block Island Times, a good training ground for relinquishing control. However, because journalism is supposed to be unbiased, as writers we had to anticipate what would happen when our work was released to the public every Friday. I found this frustrating and deadening after a while. Sometimes when I wrote a feature I really liked, my soul got a snack, but newspaper writing never gave me a feast!

I've debated whether or not I should be so honest with the ups and downs of my daily emotional life in this blog. Is my primariy intent to encourage people to create a new world through permaculture? If so, then detailing my emotions may not be the best way if my feelings end up inoculating them, so that they feel the same way. I feel a responsibility. I want my words to encourage change. Language is such a mysterious creature. Where does it come from? On a physical level it is the product of teeth and tongue and voicebox. Language is our body. And where does our body come from? Our body is the earth. This is not metaphorical. There is nothing in our bodies that doesn't come from the earth. Except our soul--if you believe in the soul. Many believe that the seat of the soul is the pituitary gland. People have even weighed the body right after death and discovered that it loses a small amount of weight that may be the result of the soul's departure. Of course this could be gas leaving the body. People who are long-winded with words are sometimes said to be full of gas. But being long-winded can also be a form of play. For example, I am having fun with words right now, rolling them out, letting one connect to the other as my fingers dance--however language came into being, it is what structures our consciousness. Our mind is built on words. Do we want to build a house with a shaky foundation? No! I'm still up in the air about my intent with this blog, because to be frank, it is such fun to just write everything out, such a relief to unburden myself of my emotions, more fun than simply spreading information about permaculture. Whatever I decide, I will be aware of you my readers, and that by relinquishing control of these words I may form galaxies in universes I've never heard of.

Message From Hopi Elders

This message from the Hopi elders was received in December 1999. The Hopis have an ancient petroglyph called Prophecy Rock which outlines the fate of humanity. They believe that humanity is now almost at the point of the Great Purification that will mark the end of the fourth world. Just before the purification there will be many natural catastrophes like the tsunami, earthquakes, global warming, trees dying, land sinking and rising. According to the Hopi, the world, meaning the world of humans, has ended four times already. Many believe that the last time was by water, the great flood recorded in so many traditions worldwide, from the Old Testament to the myth of Atlantis. After the Hopi message is a permaculture poem called "The Problem Is The Solution" which looks at the ending of this phase of human existence as a positive thing.

TO MY FELLOW SWIMMERS:

There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold onto the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. Know the river has its destination. We must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water. And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history we are to take nothing personal, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do our spiritual growth comes to a halt. The time of the lone wolf is over--gather yourselves!

Banish the word "struggle" from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

WE ARE THE ONES WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

The following poem was constructed from phrases and words I culled off the top of my head. The form is an adaptation of a Kato creation myth. The Kato is a northern California tribe. No research was done to write this poem. I'm sure there are many things you could add to it. Feel free, but remember the function these problems can serve when see them as a solution. The italicized lines are from the Book of Revelation.

The Problem Is The Solution

The witches must burn, they say Off with their heads!
Strap them to the rack, they say Thumbscrews, they say
Gouge out her eyes Cut off her breasts, they say
Bread and water, they say Don’t let him sleep, they say
Shove a burning rod up his ass He’s a faggot, they say
They say make him squeal Rape his wife, they say
Rape his daughters Fucking cunts, they say
Sodomize his mother, they say The witches must burn, they say
Cut off his tongue He’s a thief, they say
It’s deportation or the gallows, they say Let him hang
Put his head on a spike at The Tower, they say Drag his dead body through the streets
Lower her into boiling water, they say Stun guns, they say
Brainwash them, they say Your friends betrayed you, they say
We killed your family Cut off one finger at a time till he talks, they say
No blacks allowed, they say Whip her till she bleeds
Eventually you’ll say anything Lynch the niggers
Bomb the gooks Fuck off Mom, I hate you, they say
They say electrocute They say lethal injection
They say line up Fire
Videotape the beheading, they say We’ll send the tape to your wife, they say
This way to the gas, ladies and gentleman, they say You can choose one to save
Strip We want the gold in your teeth, they say
Your skin will make a lovely lampshade Fling her over the battlements, they say
The Inquisition, they say Auto da fe
Auchswitz, they say Incinerate
Hang, draw, and quarter her, they say Crucify
And I saw in the right hand of him that sat on the Throne a book written within
and on the backside, sealed with seven seals.
Who is worthy to open the book, and to loose the seals thereof?
Chronus was the first god, they say Zeus killed his father Chronos, they say
They say Odysseus, Hector, Aeneas Agamemnon, Thor, Hercules, they say
Mars and Aries, they say Indra and Ku, they say
Arthur, Lugh, Bran, they say The Vikings are coming! Run, they say!
Beowulf, they say, Cuchulainn Roland, El Cid, Sir Gawain, they say
Elijah, Isaiah, Jeremiah, they say Enki, Osiris, Seth, Jahweh
And I saw, and behold a white horse: and he that sat on him had a bow;
and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer.
The Trojan War, they say They say, The Holy Crusades
The Hundred Years’ War, they say The War of the Roses
We need an Empire, they say King Philip’s War against the Mohawks
They say The French and Indian War They say no taxation without representation
The Revolutionary War, they say Thomas Jefferson owned slaves, they say
Newport, Rhode Island was the largest slave market in the colonies, they say
The largest plantation in the colonies was in Narragansett, they say
They say there were slaves on Block Island They’re not human, they say
War is a necessary evil, they say They call it Civil
They call it The War Between the States Then it’s Spanish-American
Then it’s The Great War, they say World War I, they say
The War To End All Wars WWII, The Big One, they say
Remember The Alamo, they say Little Bighorn, Wounded Knee, they say
The Long March, they say Eminent domain
Here’s your reservation, they say The Ghost Dance is forbidden, they say
We’re taking your children, they say Re-education, they say
Communists, they say Korea, The Conflict in Vietnam, they say
The Cold War, they say The Soviets are going to nuke us, they say
We have to save Kuwait Desert Storm, The Gulf War, they say
We don’t understand why they hate us, they say Jihad, they say
Babylon must fall, they say Every American must die, they say
Go home United States! Bomb Afghanistan, they say
You’re either with us or you’re with the terrorists, they say Ayatollah Khomeini
Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein Eradicate Al Qaeda, they say
The Iraqis will welcome us as liberators Weapons of mass destruction, they say
Islam is a religion of peace An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, they say
The Golden Rule, they say Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
We will hunt them down and kill them, they say Orange alert today
The War in Iraq, they say The War at Home, we say
And there went out another horse that was red: and power was given to him that sat there
to take peace from the earth, and that they should kill one another: and there was given unto him a great sword.
Pol Pot, Idi Amin, Peron, they say Adolph Hitler, Mao Tse Tung, Pinochet
They say Charlemagne They say Alexander the Great
They say Caesar, Augustus, Caligula, Nero, they say I am a god, they say
Song Jong Kim, they say The Axis of Evil is preparing to strike
Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, Omar Qadafi Franco, Stalin, Ceacescu, they say
Rwanda, they say Sudan, Somalia, Ethiopia, they say
Fundamentalists, they say Terrorist cells, they say
Cortes, Custer, Napoleon, Henry VIII Richard the Lionhearted, they say
They say Papa Doc, Noriega, Fidel Castro Christopher Columbus, we say
Himmler, Eichmann, Goering, they say Rumsfeld, Ashcroft, Cheney
Condoleeza Rice, we say George W. Bush and every President of The United States of America who has dropped a bomb in my name Homeland Security, they say
And I beheld, and lo a black horse: and he that sat on him had a pair of balances in his hand.
Justice will be served, they say All men are created equal, they say
No to the ERA Innocent until proven guilty, they say
No child left behind A thousand points of light, they say
Give me your tired, your poor, they say Genital mutilation isn’t grounds for asylum, they say
He had a gun, the police say They say we made a mistake
Mumia killed one of ours, they say Leonard Pelletier killed an agent, they say
Repent, they say Karla Faye Tucker must die, they say
It’s a hard knock life Rest in peace
And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death,
and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth,
to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.
By axe, sword, spear, and mace, they say Smallpox, syphilis, influenza, ebola, AIDS
Catapult, crossbow, cannon, they say Crack, crystal meth, heroin, they say
Longbow, rifle, shotgun, bayonet, they say Strip mine, clear cut, drill, they say
Rape is an effective weapon, they say Slip her ruffies, she’ll pass out, they say
Revolver, machine gun, pistol, they say Napalm, Agent Orange, Round-up, Drano
Automatic weapon, they say Genetically engineered foods are perfectly safe
Grenades, mines, shells, they say They say no civilians were killed
B-52, rocket propelled, hummer, they say We’re cutting funding for the EPA, they say
Suicide bombers, they say We’ve trained dolphins to blow up ships for us, they say
Fighting machine, they say Cancer, famine, acid rain
We break them down in boot camp, they say Prozac, Xanax, Budweiser, Jack Daniel’s
The Atom bomb, they say Chernobyl, we say
Smart weapons, they say We say, there’s no such thing.
The end of this world is nigh, they say Hallelujah, we say!

My Tribe Calls Back

First of all, thank you for all of your feedback. It has been enabling me to integrate three permaculture principles to my writing, which is a reflection of my inner development--1. apply self-regulation and accept feedback, and 2. creatively use and respond to change, and 3. use small and slow solutions.

Sometimes when you're caught up in a cycle of change it seems like it will never just come to an end. This is a good time to keep the principle succession of evolution in mind. Remember that, just as a gardener plants cover crops to fix nitrogen in the soil, we plant seeds in ourselves and in our communities that will come to fruition when it is time. I am delighted to discover that it is now time to bring some of these seeds into fruition here on Block Island. Permaculturists believe in integrating rather than segregating, with the idea that many hands make less work. As I worked through the fear I revealed to you in the last couple of posts-- a fear that was stopping me from seeing my truth clearly, I now see that my next step goes back to the very first post of this blog, in which I called my tribe. Foolish me, not to know the universe would answer since I called so directly! My first step as an activist here on Block Island isn't going to be the act of ecoterrorism expected of me, or even just an act of protest, it is the organization of the tribal initiation of those of us here on the island who have been working on healing themselves, many of them with Maria, who are now ready to take the final step into taking on their roles in our tribe. Most of us have been working in isolation, which as we know from looking at a forest or a garden, just doesn't happen in nature. Nothing can flower alone, including us. We are nature. We need each other to create the vision of peace and sustainability we see. Now, when I look out at the snow-covered earth, I don't see it as barren, I see that it will soon be green and dotted with dandelions. I am proud to have a part in calling the Block Island tribe together and thank the universe for giving me this opportunity so quickly.

Questioning Fear

Most of you who know me know that for the past few years I have been occupied with the subject of apocalypse--not preoccupied, I must say, since that would mean it was distracting me from more important matters. This has been the most important matter for me. For awhile (after Sept. 11th) I thougth that I was going to physically die soon. I didn't think this because I was afraid of terrorists, I just felt every day that something was going to happen to me and that I was going to leave my body soon. At the time I was drinking and had some very intense psylocibin trips that were leading me to believe this. It took almost getting in an accident in which two deer dashed in front of my car as I raced past the dashboard to make me realize that I was giving so much energy to this thought that I was going to manifest my physical death. Something within me chose to put on the brakes just in time and I missed the deer. The next day, with the help of the shamanic healer I have been seeing for the past few years, I decided not to drink alcohol anymore. She was able to make me see that alcohol was feeding the part of me that wanted to die, and that even what people consider a moderate amount, was too much for me. As I shifted into an alcohol free life, my visions of personal and global apocalypse shifted, as my fears became less dense and overwhelming, so did my view of the changes taking place on the earth plane. One day, while reading a difficult, obscure book by the poet Jorie Graham,so difficult I had to look things up in the footnotes to understand what she was talking about a lot of the time, I came across some information that changed everything for me. This is where I learned the meaning of the word apocalypse--to lift the veil--derived from the nymph Callypso who would have lifted the veil of mortality for Odysseus if he would have stayed with her instead of sailing on toward Penelope. I now saw the apocalypse as a great awakening, a time when the veil that blinded humanity was going to be lifted, when we would know our purpose on earth, and the purpose of earth in relationship to the galaxy. I became less afraid. As I started wandering in cyberspace and in books, I discovered that there were lots of other people out there who also saw this time as a shift in the consciousness of humanity, a shift into a multidimensional state of being in which we will collectively see beyond the veil of materialism and be able to connect with the spirit realm.. When we will realize we are teh spirit realm too, and that all we create is a manifestation of thought--this has been proven in quantum physics by experiments which show that human consciousness can change cellular structure. Check out the amazing book Messages From Water, by Dr. Masaharu Emoto, which has pictures of frozen water molecules, all of them different, as they respond to music, evil names, pollution, or prayer. This book truly proves that our thoughts creates our reality. It will blow your mind if you haven't thought of the world in this way before, and even if you have, it will give you proof that your intuition has been right all along.

These end of the world ideas may sound strange to some, but they are all over television and movies--I just actually believe them! I never took the X-Files seriously, or saw science fiction novels as anything but entertaining fantasies. Whether you call it the kali yuga of the Hindus, The Rapture of fundamentalist Christians, or if you believe the Mayan prophecies or the Hopi prophecies, this awakening is a mass phenomenon all over our planet that has been predicted since time has been recorded.

With my newfound sober outlook, I chose to follow the path of faith instead of fear, using my personal healing as a template for healing the planet. That is how I found myself at Earth Activist Training this January. Before I went there I wasn't afraid, when I left I was. I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't feel the same fear as everyone else when I first got there. I told myself that I hadn't become afraid yet because I wasn't an activist like they were. Most of the people there were heavily involved in struggling against globalism and the Bush administration. They were exhausted and discouraged and terrified. I felt less than they because all I had been doing was hanging out on an island writing poetry and dealing with my own healing. I wanted to be involved in the struggle too, and by the time I left I was inoculated. I left scared and determined to fight for the earth like the beautiful warriors I met at EAT.

The most beneficial thing about this blog for me is it gives me an opportunity to make my thoughts clear to myself. By getting feedback from you I am able to look at myself much more clearly and deeply than I would if I was just wandering in my own mind. Well, I've come back to "my" senses now, and by my, I mean what I really believe, not what I picked up from others. I had a session with Maria today, and she confirmed for me what I already knew, fighting the system is only going to feed the system. There are two different dreams available to us on a collective level on earth right now--the one of planetary domination George Bush and his cohorts believe in, and the dream of abundance and peace that is now also possible on an energetic level. This is the apocalypse--the other world is already here. The energies on earth now no longer support the system of planetary domination. We don't have to protest it. It is going to die out on its own because there is nothing feeding it now but our fear. If we protest the old way, if we insist on setting up our new systems (like permaculture) in theirs, we will become infected with their despair and anger as their world dies, and we will not be able to fully achieve our vision because we don't fully believe in it. As a newly forged activist, this seemed like a betrayal of the cause and of my new friends to me. To a hardened activist, I imagine it must seem selfish, even deluded. All I can say, is based on the information I am receiving, we do not have to be sacrifices. This doesn't mean we can be complacent and everything will just work out fine. Every choice we make is important. That is why I am excited about permaculture and the ways it can help me live sustainably and help create sustainable communities that reflect the new energies here on earth. As for those who can't make the shift, I don't know what will happen to them. My instincts tell me that they will lose their physical lives in the old reality, never knowing the heaven on earth we are going to create in my lifetime, but since I believe in reincarnation, I know they will come back and be part of the process. This is not an easy thing for me to say. I feel foolish. I fear I will be misinterpreted, or that I will make people angry, but since I started this blog, I feel like I can't just leave this big shift in my mind and heart out. I am glad I was able to remember my truth today, but I'm also glad I went into that space of fear, because it's encouraged people to speak out to me, to reveal themselves and what they believe, to share pieces of their journey. I still believe what I said about the function of fear in the earlier posts, I am just happy to report that I am no longer feeling it, and because of this I feel free! And so excited to be living at this time on earth. If you are living now, know that you came into a body to be a part of this change too, and don't be afraid to trust the little voices in your head that tell you all is right in the world. Follow those voices. Love who you are and where you are. Don't be afraid of you wildest dreams.